i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
