UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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