His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
