There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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