Kareoke will never be a sober sport
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
