In the future we'll all be gay
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And then he peed in my hair
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