I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize