My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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