we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
