She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
