ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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