Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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