Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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