I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
