It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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