FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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