Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
