I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
