i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I showed him my bush... on skype.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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