Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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