i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The adults are the big ones right?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
