Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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