Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
