If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize