Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
