I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
