Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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