Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My pussy is not your playground.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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