Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
