I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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