Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
