Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
accomplished twins. life is a go
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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