brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
4 words: hood of his car
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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