he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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