from now on my penis is your penis
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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