I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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