Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
