I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I smell stomach acid.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Randomize
