Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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