Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
