dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
