Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
