Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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