Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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