I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
