Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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