that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He kissed a someone with a penis
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
