Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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