Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
