You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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