I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
