yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
