Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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