Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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