my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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