some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
