So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
