Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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