yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
