Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
