For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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