Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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