it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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