Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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