I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
