If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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