U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
