Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize