I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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