distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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