Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize