Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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