OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We need a shit load of segways right now
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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