Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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