yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize