One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
