Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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