i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
