it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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