Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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