Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
