over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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