things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Randomize