the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Mom said you looked used
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
