I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
