There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
