How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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