Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
well you can't waste a boner
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
