and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
