he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This baby is an asshole
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize