If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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