So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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