My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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