i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
