wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
