Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
