what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I am spending my child support on dildos
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
