remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
