I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
