I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
In America we eat man semen.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
