I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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