haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
