think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
